This whole mental exercise came about because I was assigned the job of babysitter on Tuesday of this week. Little Miss Maddie Addler came for a visit with grandpa while Chelsea, her mom, went on a job interview. NO PROBLEM. An hour tops, what could possibly go wrong. We'll watch a little TV, empty the toy box... Fifteen minutes into this visit she begins staring out the patio door looking for mom, the lower lip slowly comes out and quietly, very quietly, tears start to roll down her cheek. "Grandpa ain't cuttin it, where's mom."
"Let's try lunch." It was at this point I realized I didn't have the talent to wipe the tears, give some verbal love, open the microwave lunch package, pour her drink and hold her at the same time. So I put her down. The nanosecond I turn my back, she's managed to put her foot in the dog's water bowl, and utter those famous first words that all toddlers learn, "Uh, Oh."
OK, wipe up the water, strap her into the highchair, get the lunch from the microwave, look back at her and smile. At this point she's giving me the same look I give the waiter in the restaurant when my Bud Light bottle has been empty for way too long. "What's taking so long, Mom is a lot faster." The feeding process was a reminder that toddlers have more hands than a typical adult. It's impossible to hold a feeding spoon, keep two little hands out of the food and grab more napkins at the same time. The only one really enjoying this process was the dog. He gets to lick up food off the floor he normally doesn't get to eat.
Thanks to a bib, wet paper towels, and the dog, there was very little evidence of lunch once mom returned. Maddie was happy with a full stomach. I was happy to see Chelsea, accomplish my duty, and doing it all without having to change a diaper.
The title of this blog is not meant to negate all the efforts that men accomplish in this modern world. My two sons-in-law take on the same duties daily, that I described above. They also fix the plumbing, wire the house and work six and seven days a week. But this is the modern man. Women have been at this life-giving experience before we all left the cave. They have tenure. They invented multitasking. If experience is still the best teacher then men will have a distinct disadvantage until we start giving birth. Only then will we know true, multi-need responsibility. For all my success with Maddie, she still left the house with a wet foot and sock from her visit to the dog's water bowl, my wife wouldn't have allowed that to happen.
